Breakthrough! 7 Simple Secrets to Make Big Growth Easier.
TweetArgh! I'm out of my shell! Now what?
The memory, though long past, is as vivid as yesterday. It was my first 'big' speaking engagement: a conference of approximately 350-400 delegates. I had never been in front of that many people before!
Rather awkward. Quite unconfident. But, highly passionate. I was a young adult with an opportunity to make a difference. On the inside? Still very much the retiring, timid kid. The one seen in childhood photos as half-hiding behind others. A big smile but uncertain stance. Same inner kid. Now in adult form.
That little kid was shaking as the adult me was growing into a new comfort zone, so far beyond anything I'd imagined.
I wanted to vomit.
I could have said no. In fact, as my presentation was moving up the conference agenda, inching closer, I was wishing I had -- said no, that is. Wondering, in fact, why I hadn't. Wondering why I was doing this to myself; again.
Why was I taking on something so much bigger than my comfort zone? Feeling unsure, unsteady, yet somehow driven from the inside out; knowing that I could not not do this.
After all, I had a message that was worth sharing. Some experiences and perspectives that could potentially make a difference. Save others a few missteps. Still... "Who are you? What do you know? Who will listen to you?" the voice of doubt interrogated; insidiously terrorizing.
Added challenge: the criteria were clear. No droning. They wanted to be informed but through inspiration. Moved to action, through motivation. They wanted all presentations to be 'game-changing' -- a kind of TED talk, long before there was any such thing. No visuals. No notes. No prompters. No crutch. Just my message, and me. Eye-to-eye and heart-to-heart. Reaching out to connect with 400 people through the power of story.
Yes... I was surely questioning the wisdom of this undertaking. The other meaning of undertaking? Funeral management. So appropriate, as I felt the icy grip of 'death by fear' taking hold.
Growth is like that sometimes.
Especially the kind of growth that takes us beyond our comfort zone.
'Breakthrough' growth.
It's hard. Even when you choose it -- as I had in this instance. [Well... truth told: it chose me and I didn't have the brass to say no! Or, maybe it's the reverse; I had the total audacity to say yes.]
Deliberate or not, breakthrough's not easy but it is necessary for growth.
How Nature Does It.
Here's a short video featuring Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski. It reveals an awesome lesson about growth, stress and vulnerability. Breaking through your comfort zone. It's a mere 90 seconds that pack a powerful punch. It likens the experience of stress and growth to how a lobster breaks through its shell.
The analogy of the lobster says it all, doesn't it? A different way to look at and even reframe the stress stimulus. Appreciate the opportunity for growth.
Although we humans do not have a visible outer shell, our comfort zone can harden around us. Habits. Patterns. Possessions. Culture. Expectations. They make it tough to grow into something new.
Yet, thriving is a process of continuous learning, growth, personal development and transformation.
Every so often, our comfort zone becomes too confining. It's time to muster the strength and courage to break through to a newfound 'you'.
7 Simple Secrets to Make Big Growth Easier
If we think about the lobster's moulting process, nature reveals to us 7 'simple secrets'. They're a useful guide for making this kind of breakthrough growth a bit easier. These are important take-aways for us, if we're to develop our ability to thrive. They are:
1. Be ready. Life "lifes" us, often when we least expect it. Things happen. Circumstances arise. Change occurs. You have to grow! You must discard the old shell, or languish inside.
When life 'lifes' you, it's time to grow!
2. Because of its new soft shell the lobster is easy prey for at least the first few weeks after moulting. It knows to seek safety during this time. Like the lobster, we need to take cover while in transition. For us, that doesn't mean shying away from the situation (though it may call for some retrenchment). Instead, it's more about having the 'shelter' in which to strengthen and flex into your new you. I liken this to your community, and being surrounded by people who care about you and who are your 'rock', so you can grow.
Surround yourself with others who help you grow.
3. Growth requires the willingness to be ok with how you are - to feel the pain or fear or doubt, or whatever it may be, and let it be. It's the confidence and courage to be vulnerable. It may be painful. Gruelling even. But we emerge stronger, better and more resilient than ever! As the video pointed out, this isn't the time to deny or disown what is happening. Rather, it's your chance to recognize and embrace the growth process.
Growth requires the willingness to let ourselves 'be'; and, to grow anyway.
4. Use your past to make you stronger. A newly moulted lobster will actually eat its old shell (which is high in calcium). It does this to to strengthen its new one. Similarly, if we're smart, we learn from the past but don't dwell there.
If we're smart, we learn from the past but don't dwell there.
Build your new 'shell' from the old.
5. Give yourself time. It takes the lobster anywhere from a few minutes to a half hour to break free from its old shell. Like us, habits don't change because we say so. Give yourself the grace of a suitable learning curve and the gift of time to leave the past and embrace the new.
Give yourself time and the grace of a suitable learning curve.
6. Emerge gently and don't expect instant results or gratification! In its first few hours after moulting, the lobster looks nothing like itself. It's more like a black, rubber pet toy. Not yet the formidable, shell-encased fierce crustacean it really is. This reminds me of Abraham Lincoln, who said: "Anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly, at first." Let yourself be imperfect - at first. It's the only way to grow.
Emerge gently. Let yourself ease into the new you.
7. The lobster even has the ability to regenerate severed limbs. For instance, it may have lost a claw in a previous battle, usually with another lobster. A new claw will begin to regenerate in its next moult, eventually replacing the old one. In the same way, failure is a natural part of growth, providing that we learn to fail forward.
Failure is a natural part of growth, provided we learn to fail forward; and, regenerate.
'Speed-of-Life' Growth
You may have noticed that the above 7 "secrets" actually spell the word 'lobster'. So, the infographic below is a fun visual to make the ideas stick!
It'll help you next time you're coming up to 'breakthrough'. Venturing beyond your comfort zone. In the midst of growth. Think of the 'lobster', to support your achievement with added grace, poise and ease.
The lobster contorts itself into a V-shape to finally unshackle itself from its old shell. It pulls, twists and stretches. It keeps going, until the various membranes attaching it to its shell finally split, and tear away.
I stood there, frozen for a split-second. Looking out into the silent audience who had just welcomed me on stage.
Then, my words began to fill the room.
We laughed. We sighed. We tore at our heart strings and even shed a tear or two. I left nothing undone as I shared my experiences of fear, of rejection, of victory and defeat. We changed together.
Splayed and spent, I felt the energy in the room swell with my closing words. As the last one left my lips, like a wave, I saw them rise to their feet. A standing 'O'.
Raw, humbled, yet deeply fulfilled -- my body also like rubber mush -- I returned to my seat.
I'd not only ripped through my own comfort zone, I'd helped them dismantle theirs too. Our old shells laid bare on the stage, so we could all learn and grow into what's next.
I leave you now with this question:
How are you being challenged to grow, right now?
Don't numb the stress of it.
Break through to 'Breakthrough!'
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"Breakthrough! 7 Simple Secrets to Make Big Growth Easier." What's on your mind? I'd love to hear from you.