How to Thrive in Change - the Wisdom of Process
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When it comes to change, there's good news and bad news. The good news is that life and circumstances can change in the blink of an eye.
The bad news is... that life and circumstances can change in the blink of an eye!
What is it that makes the difference? It's our readiness and ability to recalibrate so we may get -- and stay -- on course.
Getting 'Skunked'
If the change is unwanted, unwelcome and/or unexpected, it's easy to get stuck. It can seem as if we've been 'skunked'. The dictionary definition of the word “skunked” is:
“To be defeated overwhelmingly in a game or contest or even prevented from scoring at all.”
It's the kind of change that leaves us feeling defeated; overwhelmed; unable to function. No longer ‘in the game’. It's the extreme stress response known as “fight, flight, or freeze”. It can happen at lightning speed!
I got skunked a couple of years ago – both literally and figuratively!
I had just returned from vacation.
My home office workspace faces out onto a very quiet, secluded and enclosed back garden. It's residence to several, 40-some-year-old, majestic trees and an assortment of small shrubbery.
It's also a haven for small wildlife. An orchestra and cacophony of birds and squirrels. The odd frog. Plentiful, humming bees (and wasps). I get to watch the squirrels run and jump. They're fearless! I admire their abandon, as they sail from branch to branch at dizzying heights. Below, the occasional rabbit forages or sleeps in the garden. Even deer meander in from time to time.
The joy I get from my little corner of nature is uplifting and nurturing.
So it was a beautiful pre-dusk evening. Quiet and warm. The fading sun shimmered through the trees. I felt the peace and calm of this little, idyllic corner of heaven.
I was suddenly jerked from my pensiveness. Startled -- like the needle of an old record player scratching across the vinyl. I heard… “Oh, oh…” my daughter muttered.
That did not sound good.
“What?” I asked.
“Look! ... Outside.”
I went to my window beside my large worktable and there ‘they’ were.
Yes… ‘THEY’!
Not one. Not two. But, THREE skunks. Frolicking in the one ray of sunshine left at that time of day. Rolling. Playing. Tumbling over each other. By their mid-size, they appeared to me to be ‘teenagers’.
I froze.
I have to admit; it was hard not to enjoy watching them for a brief moment. I’d never seen skunks only a few feet away like this, least of all three of them. Their play and abandon was mesmerizing, if but for a moment. They are undeniably beautiful creatures.
But then, one of them stopped playing. I watched.
It toddled off towards my garden shed (situated right under my workspace window) -- and out of sight!
“Where did it go?” My breathing became shallow. “Where are their parents?” I wondered.
The other two also stopped playing. One scampered towards the shed and then seemed to ‘disappear’ at its front corner.
I could feel my stomach sinking.
The third, now alone, paused for the briefest moment. Then it waddled its way on a direct path towards the shed.
It paused where the other two had disappeared.
It came wandering around to the side that is right below my window.
I noticed, in what seemed like slow motion, that there was the tiniest gap under the shed on this side. I thought to myself, “No… not possible…”
The little guy poked his face into the gap. Like a Frisbee, he flattened and -- poof -- vanished! Under my shed!
The reality hit me! Three, IF NOT MORE skunks had taken up residence under my shed outside. They were within a few feet of my workspace inside.
Wait. Don't Panic! Yeah, right...
Now… you have to appreciate... I provide leadership development and training to professionals at all levels and varied backgrounds. And, one of my best topics is navigating change! Especially, the kind of change that stops you in your tracks.
The kind of change that can make you feel like you’re out of control.
Change that is just plain hard.
The times when your fear or stress has triggered a reaction.
The kind of change that happened as I watched these skunks slip under my shed. Times just like this -- that trigger a sick, sudden feeling of angst.
Years of training evaporated. Poise vanished into thin air. It all happened with the same ease and swiftness the skunks showed as they slipped under my space.
I did what any mature, trained, change-master and consultant would do… [I say tongue-in-cheek].
First, I froze. Then, I panicked. Exaggerated thoughts pounded in my head, "I'm going to be unable to work due to the smell. What if they spray the house? We'll never be able to go outside again." Etc. etc. Dread took total dominion over my thinking – in an instant!
“Awful-izing” became my predominant thinking mode. Well… really, I wasn’t thinking at all. I was in full-blown reaction-to-perceived-threat mode. It wasn’t rational. It wasn’t cool. And, it wasn’t helpful. 
click to tweet
Then I heard, “It’s just a skunk. Ok, three. Ok, maybe more. But they’re just skunks.”
“I” did not hear those words. My fear did. By this time, I had started to call various places for help – pest control.
One after the other, it was the same story. There was at least a two-week waiting list, or they didn’t “do” skunks, or no call back whatsoever. Also, the price for trapping and removing – upwards of $225 per skunk! No guarantees they wouldn’t spray once trapped either.
I was skunked. Defeated. Depleted. My vacation respite, up in smoke.
No, really... Don't panic. Grabbing the lifeline.
As I look back, I think “how ridiculous.” I knew I was overreacting but I could not help it. You know those times? When you can no longer reason, not even with yourself?
Ironically, I was scheduled to deliver a workshop, “Thrive in Change”, just 2 days away. Like a lifeline, I sat down to apply the concepts I would take others through: how to thrive in change - the wisdom of process.
It did take me a good hour to regain my footing. I'm happy to say that, in the end, process won over panic. It was stronger than any ‘lizard-brain’ reaction that had taken hold.
It reminded me that leaders do not need to have the answers.
We are allowed to falter. In fact, we must occasionally do so because it means we grow. But, we also need to ‘walk our talk’.
It’s not the size or nature of the ‘trigger’ that matters. Each of us deals with and perceives change differently.
What matters is how quickly we can go from what seems insurmountable, to a renewed state of wellbeing. From (over)-reaction, to the composure and poise of ‘response’.
That's what determines whether you can, and will, thrive.
How to Thrive in Change - the Wisdom of Process
“The wisdom of process is to begin it.” ~ Michael E. Gerber click to tweet
This means taking the first step, then the next, and the next. Continue until the process itself leads you, guides you and/or pulls you to success.
The Process
1. Recognize the Nature of the Change
When we realize the nature of the change and its impact, it allows us to regain a sense of focus. Is the situation demanding personal change? An inner, attitudinal shift? Or, is it requiring more relationship-based, interpersonal, ‘other’-oriented change? Or yet, is it the kind of change that requires being able to get in stride with 'outer' circumstances? Is it calling for greater adaptiveness and situational leadership? Maybe it's requiring a combination of these distinct, yet interrelated dimensions of change mastery?
When we get clearer on what's being demanded, we become more focused and poised. It's then easier to set direction and alignment that will work.
I recognized being 'skunked' (and the ‘threat’ I imagined it to pose) as an ‘outer’ change. It is the kind of change that is, for me, an Achilles heel. Why? Because in my busy world, there's a lot on my plate. I ‘don’t have time’. I lack the resources to deal well with unexpected, uncontrollable and seemingly ‘pointless’ change.
But, this first step in the process helped me quickly come to terms with that. It's a ninja move, because it causes us to go from powerless to powerful in one swift attitudinal shift.
It opens the door to the next step of the process: grabbing onto the 3 levers of control to get back into the driver’s seat, to navigate.
2. Use the 3 Levers of Control
The 3 levers of control are: reflect, respond and relate. All three of these are in direct opposition to 'react', which is what tends to happen when fear hijacks our brain.
So I took some time to reflect, then to plan a more measured response. I considered who I could ask for help and how I was going to ‘show up’ with and best relate to others, under stress. This allowed me to regain composure, which had eluded me to that point.
The levers cause us to pause. They help us realize why we feel ‘threat’. We become more aware of the source of our distress and why the circumstance may feel ‘bigger’ than us. We acknowledge its drain on time. We see clearly its impact on resources and purpose. With this recognition comes the chance for grounding and better balance.
What happens when you grab the levers of control? You are, in effect, forcing your brain into emotional intelligence. You are activating the prefrontal cortex. This is where you can ‘think’. More important, it's also where you can “think about how you’re thinking”. It’s the difference between distress, denial and even aggression -- vs. assurance, initiative and assertion.
Finally, it’s one thing to say to ourselves that we’ll exercise these levers. It’s quite another to do so.
Therefore, there are six practices that restore equanimity and balance in our thinking. They help us achieve real ‘application’ of the levers. They support us as we get into action, so we can navigate our way.
3. Apply the 6 'CHANGE' Practices
The six practices are based on the acronym C-H-A-N-G-E.
As I did with my infamous skunked situation, you will ask yourself:
- How is this affecting your confidence or Courage? This helps us to recognize our own perception of ‘threat’.
- What kind of Help do you need, and from whom?
- What questions do you need to Ask, to become more informed? This allows us to shrink the problem into something more manageable.
- You will then step back and consider your track record and all the resources you do have to deal with this. You'll consider how ‘New’ this really is. Or, if not quite 'new', is it in a new or different form compared to situations you’ve mastered before?
- Next, you’ll regain a sense of purpose by discerning how this change will make you Grow. This kindles enthusiasm and heightens motivation.
- Finally, you’ll square off fully and get back in the game by asking yourself how you can and/or will fully ‘Engage’. This is where you let go of any remnants of feeling victimized or at risk. You stop waiting or hoping for things or others to change for you. You'll initiate and take ownership of bringing forward your best.
The beauty – and wisdom -- of this process is that it applies universally. It works, no matter the nature or magnitude of change. You can also apply it personally or professionally. It can be for your own benefit and/or to add value as a leader to those who count on you.
4. Take 'W-I-N'-ning Action
The final step of the process, which I encourage you to discover, is to take “WIN-ning” action. The steps are outlined in the infographic visual below. I've expanded on them in one of my other posts, if you'd like a deeper dive. Just click on the title, "W-I-N-ning Action" to access it.
A Potent Take-Away
Sometimes... change stinks! Whether you’ve been skunked or you’re still in the game, this process will help you thrive in change.
As for my black and white family, I’m happy to report that they’re gone. When I learned how to make my home totally undesirable as theirs, and with some much-appreciated help from family/friends, one by one, they left. The last one was nearly twice the size of the first three we saw. So, I’m pretty sure the ‘teens’ left home first and then finally the parent/s. After 5 long days; they’d moved on for good.
I was grateful that they left absolutely no scent. Just a ‘fond memory’ and the impetus to write and share this post and process with you, How to Thrive in Change - the Wisdom of Process.
It’s also made me chuckle at how powerful and vulnerable I can be, depending on the situation. Which means there is more room to grow!
The lesson? Don’t wait until pushed out of your comfort zone! click to tweet The process of change is actually easy, but its application takes commitment.
When you discover how to thrive in change - the wisdom of process, you open the gateway to yourself and those around you to make the best of situations. Plus, you'll recover quickly the next time you, like I did, get skunked!
Here's the How to Thrive in Change - the Wisdom of Process infographic that sums up the process.
If you'd like to share this infographic on its own, just click here.
How to Thrive in Change - the Wisdom of Process.
To Your Success!
It's often in the face of change that we have the chance to realize our greatest potential. Sadly, many of us don't quite know how to make that happen. The online program, ENERGIZE POTENTIAL, will walk you through the dynamics of taking charge of your life and your potential. Personal leadership -- to make the most of you and to advance others, too.
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