Yes... You CAN.
Tweet
How 'big' do your actions towards others need to be for you to make a difference? If you've ever hesitated to act because you thought it didn't matter, think again.
This post will urge you to act now. Because you can.
It was triggered by an article on LinkedIn Pulse that really resonated with me: "Culture Shift in the Break Room? (Not So) Surprising Results!" by Trent Selbrede. At one point in the brief story, Trent said, "They could see that I cared. They could see that I would act."
Two powerful words:
Care and Act
Powerful because they sum up the essence of all human relations principles. Whether we’re talking about Dale Carnegie, Stephen R. Covey, John C. Maxwell -- or countless other human relations 'greats' -- Care and Act are core precepts, elemental to strong interpersonal skills and leadership.
Let me share an example with you.
When You Need Someone to Care
It was our first Christmas in Oran, Algeria. Timing was early 70’s: pre-cellphone, pre-internet; heck, pre-computer of any kind. No phones. No expat programs. Just a Dad trying to make a living for his family as a geophysicist working in seismic exploration.
We’d gone where the work was. That meant taking my Dad deep into the Sahara desert and my Mom, brother, sister and me to Oran.
Nothing could have prepared us for the significant culture shock.
Yet, we were doing ok.
And then Christmas rolled around.
Mopey would have been a pretty apt description, though hugely understated.
My Dad worked a 4-and-1 rotation. This meant 4 weeks away without communication. He wrote letters – most of which took 6-7 weeks to arrive. He was usually home and gone again before we got them.
His week off included his travel time from the desert to Oran and back again. So, his actual time with us was about 3-4 days every 4-5 weeks.
This was even worse than his prior schedule when in Canada, where he worked in the 'bush' – way up North. It was a rotation of 3 weeks out and 1 week in (minus travel time).
In a way, we were used to my Mom essentially being both parents. But this was different – and foreign in every imaginable way.
It was especially hard as Christmas neared and my Dad was not going to be home.
So it was that one Sunday afternoon, we heard a knock at our door.
A Gift of Immeasurable Value
My Mom opened it and there stood Monsieur Mohamed (I don’t know if we ever learned his last name). He was like the building ‘super’ and he had befriended us.
You know that expression – when we say that someone is “beaming”? Well, that day, I witnessed what beaming looks like!
There he stood, with a smile that would make the Cheshire cat look indifferent. Grinning from ear to ear. His eyes sparkled. He was holding something behind his back….
“Entrez.” “Come in,” my Mom greeted him.
“Où sont les enfants?” “Where are the children?” he asked.
I was already in the front room but my brother and sister were quickly convened. Mr. Mohamed wanted to present us all at once with his surprise.
He had our undivided attention – and his delight filled the room with such palpable joy!
Sl-o-o-o-o-wly, he drew what he was holding, out from behind his back.
“Voilà!” he announced with pride.
We looked… rather blankly, I must admit….
Thankfully, he continued before we could ask what it was. Hesitation would have dealt a crushing blow to such a wondrous moment.
“Votre Arbre de Noël!” he exclaimed gleefully.
It was a young, sapling olive tree that had been cut off at its root. A twig really. It was a straggly, crooked little stem supporting even finer, lopsided branches. Somehow, it had managed to eek out a handful of little greenish, white leaves.
And, there stood Mr. Mohamed, triumphantly offering his victorious gift. “I found you a Christmas tree!” he had declared.
It was one of those moments of truth….
Hardly skipping a beat, my mother beamed back, “C’est magnifique!” “It’s magnificent!” she extolled.
For a split second I thought the heat, cockroaches, unsafe drinking water, rat-infested buildings, loneliness and hardships of the past few months had finally gotten the better of her... and she’d lost her mind!
And, then I ‘got it’! We were being handed a miracle. Pure heart and genuine caring, served up with love and innocence. A gift of immeasurable value.
Our 'Charlie Brown' Special
My brother, sister and I all three quickly followed my Mom’s lead. We thanked Mr. Mohamed profusely....
When he left, we had a microsecond when the four of us looked at each other with a bit of bewilderment and a hint of sadness. Then, we quickly set about the task of honouring our gift.
First, we figured out how to prop this poor thing up somewhere.
Second we began to scrounge for what we could muster to decorate it with.
An hour or so later, our little olive tree was perched in a corner, stationed against the wall for support. It stood proudly in a small, sand-filled tin can (which we normally used to catch the little lizards that would sometimes find their way in).
It was lovingly adorned with scissor-cut, paper snowflakes, as ornaments. Tinsel was made of hand-coloured “chains”, also of paper. The 'pièce de résistance' was a homemade star taped to the top – not too big lest it pull our little tree over.
It made the classic “Charlie Brown” Christmas tree look like the finest, most glorious Fraser fir!
But… it was beautiful in its own quirky, humble and authentically touching way. I still remember sitting on the floor, looking at it.
I loved everything it represented.
And the Leadership Lesson is...?
"So, what does this recount have to do with leadership?"
Well… everything.
Yet, I hadn’t fully appreciated the ‘lesson’ in leadership and human relations. Not until Trent’s post left me with two words etched deep into my psyche: Care and Act.
And, my Christmas tree story reminded me of a third, critically important element. It is the mindfulness that comes from an ability to observe and reflect, as well as take action.
It is the ability to Notice.
Yes, you C-A-N.
C-are
A-ct
N-otice
It’s a simple, yet priceless, ‘secret’ formula for success and superb leadership. 
[click to tweet]
It's a marvellous way to:
- Delight people, by showing concern for their wellbeing;
- Lead with excellence, by acting on what matters;
- Foster engagement, by building relationship; and,
- Connect with others, by being genuine and authentic.
A lesson taught to me – though unconsciously -- by a man from a completely different world. An all-but-forgotten moment in time.
Step 1: C-are
Care about what the other cares about. Ask yourself, "What matters to them?"
Mr. Mohamed had actually taken a deliberate road trip. He'd taken the bus, since he had no vehicle, on his one day off. He'd ventured right out of the city, to try to find us a tree. The thought of that makes me want to cry to this day.
What an act of kindness and generosity of spirit, with no expectation of return!
Step 2: A-ct.
Don’t just think about it; do something.
Mr. Mohamed probably didn’t know that an olive tree is not a Christmas tree. That is, until his actions transformed it into one. That’s the magic of action. It has the power to transform.
Step 3: N-otice.
Be an observer and reflect. These are fundamentals of wisdom, and essentials for good leadership.
My Mom never asked for a tree. Neither had my siblings or me. Mr. Mohamed didn’t celebrate our customs – he was only mildly aware of them. But he had asked questions. He had noticed. Later, he also noticed how we ‘received’ and decorated our little tree. He must surely have thought we were insane! But, he noticed – as a wise observer, non-judgmental, and able to see things from our point of view.
Human Relations in Action
There you have it: 3 simple steps.
A world of opportunity. Untold possibility.
Want to become a better leader? Looking for a more enjoyable workplace? Enriched home life? More engagement? Want to make a difference?
Don’t wait! Start now.
Yes, you C-A-N.
Care. Act. Notice.
Yes... You CAN is really all about caring enough to notice what needs to be done and acting, to make a difference. It's about mindfulness, thoughtfulness, and a bit of selflessness. It takes other-awareness, the willingness to act, and the motivation to lead by example.
Would you like to empower yourself and others more? If yes, take a look at one of my online programs: ENERGIZE POTENTIAL. Get ready to discover, or rediscover, how to make the most of you.
A version of this post was originally published on LinkedIn; January 14, 2016: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/yes-you-can-janice-kobelsky-fcpa-fcma
Let's Connect:
